at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
time to smoke my breakfast
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Randomize
