So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
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