Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
mondays should just be called national damage control day
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
