She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Shame - the story of my life.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
