He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Randomize
