I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
