im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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