Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Randomize
