I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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