The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
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