then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
Randomize
