You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
Randomize
