I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
I am full of burrito and curiosity
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Randomize
