I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
