Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
