ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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