Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
