Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
Randomize