Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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