you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
