Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
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