I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
Randomize
