we should wear snuggies to the strip club
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
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