all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
Randomize
