I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Randomize
