Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
3 2 1 whiskey
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
