If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
The feeling are messing with the penis
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
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