Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
