There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
