You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
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