I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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