she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
we should paint friendship bongs
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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