The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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