that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
