i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Randomize
