How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
