I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Randomize
