watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
