Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
