Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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