Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
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