yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
Randomize
