she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
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