I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
