When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
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