The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
I think I sprained my soul last night
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Randomize
