Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
I'm laying in your front yard are you home
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
Randomize
