I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
Randomize
