Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
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