It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
People with herpes should wear stickers.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
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