Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
