dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
Green mimosas i think yes
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
