Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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