She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
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