I heard we made out
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
