Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
Randomize
