hell yes lets make some ravioli
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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