i don't plan on having that self control this summer
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Randomize
