can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
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