dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Randomize
