Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Randomize
