Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
