Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Randomize
