omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
Randomize
