If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize
