Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
