Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize
