ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
