I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
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